My Problematic Brother

Ever since I was little I never got along well with this one particular sibling of mine , a younger brother born after me . He was reckless , impulsive , rebellious , disobedient , and the epitome of chaos . I hated him so much , he had been bullying me since I was four or five years old . Took a lot of things from me and caused me misery (couldn’t put all the blame on him too , as I too had played my part at being an obnoxious character ) . He inherited a lot of father’s negative attributes , bad-tempered and impatient , had a penchant for relentlessly asking for things and pushing people to their limits , and he was his most beloved child . It gives me no surprise at all for their remarkable resemblance with each other either in look or character .

An inherently problematic person , not a month passed by without him creating any sort of trouble . Such a headache he had been to mother who was already having worries over so many other matters . And to cap all of the troubles he made , he became a drug addict , just like father . Though injection was the fashion in father’s time , my brother’s age is the age of drug pills . He had been admitted into the drug rehabilitation centre countless times , or perhaps not more than ten times but I don’t want to take the bother to recall and count since I was rarely at home after I turned 18 , and here he is still being addicted those pills . And I do like to emphasize how alright and perfectly fine for drug addicts to be addicted to drugs as we are all addicts in many shapes and forms as it is in our nature to escape reality , but it is also important not to cause troubles to others . Being an addict and at the same time causing troubles to people in one’s course to relieve the addiction , is absolutely wrong , that’s what that makes drug addicts in the society in my country or at least in my state , are so frowned upon .

The problem with him lies on lack of self-control , he indulges in self-excitement , and as we all know , the nature of the world is about balance , having too much good things without equal degree of appreciation and gratitude , will cause suffering … And yeah , he could never sit down in still and suffer the hectic nature of his mind and be patient enough for the nervous system to cool down , so drugs are the alternative for him for inner peace now , or perhaps another source of excitement as the desire for excitement is so dangerous if not kept under control .

I rarely talk to him , I happen to hate him so much that I can hardly talk to him what more to be friendly with . For someone who values courtesy and well manners like me , I certainly have dormant inner turmoil that cannot be triggered by anybody but someone who is as barbaric as him . But I do understand his suffering and I know he regrets a lot and I am aware of almost if not all the acts of kindness he did to me , whether subtly or not , or being masked under spontaneity or not , I just don’t know how to help him physically or at least psychologically . I do pray for him though not very often and certainly not intense , and I did try to get along with him which failed disastrously with a big fight , a physical altercation of which mother was the unintentionally underlying reason , and sometimes he does seem somewhat at peace the next day after I counted all the good things about him and gave him as much blissful feelings as I can . But it’s those subtle resentment and grudges that I subconsciously bear for him that makes it difficult for me to progress further in spiritual effort in raising his vibrations . Modern society would label me as ridiculous and full of nonsense , but I do have seen miracles on how effective intentional and mindful prayers are …

As a conclusion , I wonder if this is one of my many God-given tasks in this world , to dedicate part of my thoughts and feelings for his sake .

Pray and pray before you get prayed