Different different and different...

i came from a poor family. my mother worked so hard to sustain our lives as her children. she worked as a food seller riding a motorcycle from one village to another from as early as 6am to 1pm... she didnt make much, but it was enough to support our family and there were other sources too. my father had separated from my mother as he had his own story to tell... he was once a working class man working in the oil and gas sector enjoying quite a wealthy lifestyle. it wasn't until his own friend tricked him leading my father banished from his job. he didnt make his life very well since then which forced the divorce from my mother. i appreciate both of them regardless of who they are...

she never lack in her smile, my mom...whatever hardship, she still keeps smiling.

i wasnt very bright but i did quite well in school. i played around a lot, but still i managed to get ahead of the other students during my time. eversince i was young, i always felt that i was a girl from the inside though i m actually a boy. always got beaten by my mother for my behaviour of loving wearing girl's clothes, and one day when i turned 19, i decided to change and conform to my physical gender identity. i tried to behave as a real man, changed the way i talked and walked and many others.

i always felt like a girl....

it wasnt until i turned 21 years old recognizing it was really hard to change the way i felt inside. being a straight acting man feeling like a girl made me feel so gay. i didnt wanna be gay. i'd rather be labeled as a transgender or a fag than a gay. i wasnt against any gay men, but it was more like against my natural feeling.

its more like, im a girl, then i have a boyfriend. as any other guy, he always hangs with his buddies. but one day, it turns out that he had an intimate relationship with one of his buddies making him to be at least bisexual. then he still says he loves me and so on. and seeing him again with another guy, i dont think i could resist the feeling that hes gonna make love with that man at anytime again... this is a complicated feeling of why i'd rather be a pseudo-girl than a pure straight acting gay.

girl: ill kill u if u sleep with my crush
monkey: get lost

after that i kept my hair growing long so that i would look like a girl. i took a very good care of it. and many have said that i really looked like a girl though i never took hormone pills. and i like their compliments. during the semester of my study at a local university, i noticed there were some few guys that tried to hit on me. i felt quite complete as a girl though quite pseudo. but at the same time, i was quite scared to respond. i never responded to them but there was this one guy that i returned his feeling, but later i took it back and we never made it to make love with each other.

guys, i made it,,,im now rapunzel guys,,,oh no m so happy that  i wanna cry guys!! help me guyssss

this is quite conservative, but i had something in my mind telling me i shouldnt just sleep with any guys and have fun for the sake of i have nothing to lose. its more like a dignity, ever since i was a kid, i always imagined that one day, im just gonna be with only one guy for my entire life. no offence but my preference is only for straight guys, as i want a man to love me for the femininity inside of me and i'd rather not to have my boyfriend sleeping with his own buddy in the other room. and i'll only be with that one guy i assume for maybe until i reach 50 years old since i target myself to live until 100 years old,,,and the remaining 50 years will be used to prepare for the afterlife by carrying myself into the forest and wander in the wilderness...

no pleaseee m waiting 4 the right guy... unless ur justin timberlake, then ill open my legs right awaayyyyyy

thats the planning for my life.

oh why did i go so sentimental...

come on girls,,its the crying season,,,dont forget to fill the buckets,,,and water the flowerss...so we can harvest them later.

i fed up with my friends' questions about whether i have a girlfriend or not, what age do i target to get married, how many children bla bla bla.. should i hit their heads with bricks or baseball stick?

i suspected that they might have mental disorder but somehow i felt it strange that they managed to get into the university.. so why couldnt they get it just by observing me? marrying a girl, r u nuts? that would make me a modern aged lesbolita...

tell me guys, should i use this???

haha i wasnt upset, they r still my friends,,,,just that the community that i live in is quite conservative when it comes to people that bend their gender identity from the normal plane. i do not dare to voice out in case of discrimination... but i do have a lot of transgender friends who are very outspoken about their gender identity... i dont even know what im afraid of anyway..

but there is one thing for sure,,, i am going to become a very very very rich and wealthy pseudo-girl... hohoho... to those people who insulted me before, im going to flatten them using my future lamborghini HAHAHAHA

i have become so beautifull... no jealousy is allowed.